Lies & Why I Can’t Move to Florida

lie!

The statement above is clearly a lie.

However, when my daughter and I bought the plaque last summer we totally believed it. It still hangs on our door but I’ve hidden it with a kindergarten Valentine project from G.

I’m a flip flop girl. Even living here in the Northeast I could still somehow get through winter with my flip flops, some snow boots and a slip on mule-type shoe (with socks, of course.)

mule

 

Not this year.

Last week I finally broke down and bought sneakers. I haven’t owned a pair of sneakers in close to fifteen years. I wore them to the office the other day and my brother (who works next to me) noticed them immediately.

“Nice sneakers, Bec.” he says.  Which in sibling talk means,

“You know you look like a Dork in those shoes, right?”

I confess, I’m terribly self-conscious about the sneakers. I’m 40. I’m a mom. I’m sure the sneakers have caused my butt to spread at least four inches. What I’m trying to say is –

I’m. Just. Not. A Sneaker. Girl.

I have considered moving to Florida where I could wear flip flops all day forever and ever for the rest of my life. The only problem is, I watch way too much Animal Planet.

Not only would I have to worry about alligators and crocodiles snapping up my little ones in the back yard, but now Florida is overrun with terrifying Invasive Species like the Burmese Python and Snakeheads.

burmese-python-invasive-species Snakehead_fishJust the name: “snakehead” is enough to keep me out of Florida. Yeeeeee.

I suppose I’ll just have to make my peace with the sneaks.

 

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WINter, I Thought You Won.

My mind keeps flashing to the scene from Forest Gump where Lt. Dan is raging at the storm while suspended in the rigging of his boat.

At some point while making dinner it all came together. My internal Lt. Dan was speaking to me.

snow

This is the Northeast and the amount of snow I’ve already shoved this winter measures in the several feet.

WINter, after the last set of storms, I thought you’d won. But I was wrong. My internal Lt. Dan is raging today and all I can say is, Bring. It. On.

lt dan

Poor Lt. Dan was raging against God, I’m just taking on the snow. Me and God are cool.