My Phone Hates Me. Or I Have an Accent.

My iPhone hates me, or else I have an accent.

I talk to text which is the Best Thing Ever since I apparently have fat fingers and am incapable of touching the correct letter on the keyboard. FYI: Texting did not exist when I was a child or teenager – I lack speed and accuracy.

All that to say – I talk to my phone and I love it. Sadly, my feelings are not returned or else the phone and I have a serious communication problem. We need counseling.

Exhibit A:


When I say: “my mom’s risotto” my phone hears “Arizona.” Seriously? I know there are all kinds of funny auto-correct blunders out there and I confess to laughing my head off as I read them, but it’s not so funny when you talk to text your daughter P’s name and the phone consistently translates it to Pacha. Yes, like the John Goodman character from The Emperor’s New Groove. Funny guy from a funny movie, but I’m not naming my daughter after him.

Pacha. Really?

P PACHAIs it possible that I talk funny? Or does my iPhone just hate me?


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I’ve recently signed on to write two articles a week on a faith based mom blog. Since I haven’t written for someone else on a schedule since college it’s exhilarating and intimidating at the same time.

It’s not the writing that intimidates me, I’m a Mawrtyr – no, I didn’t spell that wrong and no, I’m not dead. I am, however, a graduate of Bryn Mawr, and if Bryn Mawr taught me nothing else, it DID teach me to write.



As a freshmen I came to BMC with NO writing skills whatsoever. None. Four years later – well, I’m pretty sure I was writing perfectly penned papers in my sleep. (Close to twenty years have elapsed – twelve of which I was an expat – the writing skilz have tarnished a bit.)

I am now scheduled to submit two articles every Tuesday. Thankfully, I’m also not a procrastinator. Memories of Freshman English papers due every Monday for two whole semesters swirl about my head – I think all but one of mine were completed, printed and ready to turn in before the weekend ever started. Seriously. I am not a last minute person – I like my stuff done. It aids me in maintaining what my brother terms my “zen-like” state.

Time is not the issue.

Inspiration. Inspiration is the tricky little thing. The truth is, it’s all around us but, like smoke, it’s gone with the wind if you don’t capture it – in that moment. This is where my lovely iPhone 5s comes in handy – I’ve totally converted to talk texting and talk note taking.


These days if you see me walking through the grocery store you might catch me talking to my phone in a conspiring whisper and saying something like, “take out ham.” Yes, my life has been changed.

This little device is all kinds of useful when it comes to preserving ideas that pop in and out of my head at inopportune moments.  Like church.

I am insanely inspired with things to write about while in church. Yikes! I’m not so uncouth as to talk my notes, so I have to type them, discretely, during the service. Generally, this is a fiasco because,

1. I must have fat fingertips because I can’t seem to type any of the right letters. Ever.

2. I’m sure the people around me think I am texting during church.

Obviously, I would never. I’m just taking notes. For things I’m going to write later.