What’s Wrong With Me?

Common Symptom Presentation

  • Watching children’s programs – with no children present.
  • Singing “Everything is Awesome” to yourself throughout the day.
  • Playing “What’s in my pocket?” to amuse yourself while standing in line. (gum wrapper, hairband, 57 cents, used tissue, Dunkin receipt.
  • Constipation
  • Pop tarts and fruit snacks a likely lunch. Ketchup is considered a valid vegetable.

If you have two or more of these symptoms you may be: A Parent.

Monday to Friday I boot my children out the door for school at 8AM. For the next thirty minutes I like to straighten up the house, eat my whole grain bagel and watch a little “Dog, The Bounty Hunter.” Don’t judge me.

Sadly, around the last bite of my bagel I often realize that I spent my entire breakfast watching “Kickin’ It” or the like. All by myself.

I’m not certain what’s wrong with me, but I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one plagued with this affliction.

Can I hear an Amen?

By the way,


*Symptom #4 is most often caused by frequent interruptions during your body’s elimination of excretions schedule.

5 thoughts on “What’s Wrong With Me?

    • I cannot tell you how many people I have seen do that. When I see someone walking to their car in that spot, I check to see if they have children. 10 out of 10 times they don’t.


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