Crackers

Some years back a fashion trend emerged that was devastating to me personally, and to the eyeballs of people everywhere.

Low Rise Jeans.

Jeans no longer rose to a woman’s natural waist but settled somewhere lower down producing muffin tops and crack exposure in much of the US female population. For the past several years I’ve struggle to sit and keep my pants up at the same time. Bending over or squatting down to pick up something from the floor revealed parts of my anatomy better left hidden away. To each and every one of you that I have inadvertently exposed my “crackers” to, I sincerely apologize.

I could add a picture, but I won’t. See, I’m classy like that. However, just google: butt crack jeans images and you’ll see what I mean.

I never wanted it to be this way. In my own defense, the truth is, I’m hipless and bottomy. In practical terms what this means is, low-rise jeans that are supposed to sit snuggly on my hips, slide right past them to settle on the next largest body part – mid-bottom on me. I, therefore, spend all day long hiking up my pants by the belt loop – which eventually tears. (see picture)

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Finally, after a bottom blow out last weekend during a game a dodge ball and a belt loop blowout today, I shipped my last child off to school and drove over to Macys.

Wait for it…

The trend has CHANGED! (Just Below*) Natural waist jeans ARE BACK BABY!

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I don’t know which fashion designer was the first to finally step up and say, “Enough!” but I, and every person who has to sit behind me from here on out, thank you.

* I mean, it’s not like it’s the 80’s anymore.

My maternal grandfather always referred to our bottoms as “crackers.”  This will never not be funny to me.

 

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8 thoughts on “Crackers

  1. I am personally very happy this trend as gone. We actually had a rule that when ladies visit us in India they are not allowed to wear jeans UNLESS it is with a LONG top. I mean we sit on the floor and it happened TOO many times and by the time you go to mention something the damage is done and the image can never be erased! Thanking God that trend is moving on…and your jeans will last longer now 🙂

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  2. I blame Britney Spears. I am way long-waisted with a bubble butt (can’t get “crackers” out of my mind, but then I can’t get your mention of “bacon strips” and “skid marks” out my head. You said it, like, 22 years ago. Do you remember this?), and I have no need for people to see my wares.

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